


We Have No Idea What We're Doing (but we're doing it anyway)

by JE_Lea



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Child Abuse, Implied Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Sporadic Updates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2019-11-01 04:22:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17860205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JE_Lea/pseuds/JE_Lea
Summary: TT: So.TT: Who wants to adopt Dave? Preferably before he winds up completely fucked.





	1. Dirk: Ask for Advise

  
timaeusTestified [TT] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE’RE DOING 

 

TT: So.

TT: Who wants to adopt Dave? Preferably before he winds up completely fucked.

  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

 

TG: dirky we talked abut this

TG: what hapened

TT: What may or may not have occurred this evening is entirely irrelevant.

TG: uh huh

TG: and just what ‘may or may not have’ ocured

TG: *ofccured

TG: **POCDUD

TG: what is the problum

TT: We have already established what the problem is.

TT: To be clear, who the problem is.

TG: dirp

TG: *dirk

TG: stfu about THAT bs and tell me whats up

TT: As has already been previously discussed, I am not cut out for this parenting gig.

TT: This is just one more reason on an already teetering Jenga tower of reasons, which should have toppled over long ago and killed any remaining doubt.

TG: i see a lot of u talkin about subjects that hav bin FORBIDIDIN

TG: and not a lot of answring a ladys simple questions

TT: Fine.

TT: The kid came up to me while I was working on something. Cute little fucker still looked half asleep.

TT: He had been taking a nap. Wasn’t even wearing his shades, that’s how adorably out of it he was.

TG: lols

TG: okay i know you think hes the cutest thing to ever exist

TG: an im not arguin that hes tots adorbs

TG: + that its evenb MORE adorbable u gushin over him like dat

TG: but ur stallin jeut teell me the oops yu made

TT: I didn’t “oops”.

TT: He asked me about food, and I practically told him to fuck off and fend for himself.

TT: Who says that to the cutest damn five year old, newly woken from his sugar crash induced nap?

TT: This asshole.

TG:

TT: That isn’t even the worst part.

TG: ???

TT: The little shit went and made himself a bowl of cereal.

TT: And brought me one too.

TG: aaaaaaaaaawww

TT: I don’t understand how. The kid can’t reach anything. Fucking ninja’d himself two bowls of cereal without dying in that deathtrap of a kitchen.

TG: thats adorbel

TG: he know u get all grochy when u skip meals

TT: Fuck, Roxy, his level of cute is not the fucking point here.

TT: Let’s ignore the fact that he has long since reached the top tier on his echeladder of cuteness. We’re discussing the fact that I’m a shitty guardian.

TT: How he hasn’t starved or been impaled by a poorly placed sword is anyone's guess.

TG: well u did the snack cupbard thiny that janey talk about right

TT: Yes. It was a necessity. Is a necessity, clearly.

TG: p sure it was more because you forget to eat

TG: an sleep

TG: an rember your a real boy and janey was probaly hoping youd use it

TT: If that was Jane’s intent her idea flew out the window and smacked into a bird three seconds after being conceived.

TG: lol

TG: what happn after cereal tme

TT: Nothing of note.

TG: *raises eyebrows suspicioushly*

TT: We played some games for a while. Then I read him a story and put him to bed.

TT: Nothing important.

TG: that is bs dirk

TG: storytime is SUPPER important like

TG: its absolut as fucking vodka esential

TG: its the important stuff!

TG: ok well fppd + sleep + all that is p important too and u SHOULD work on that

TG: but THE POINT if you were REALLY bad there wouldn been no games or story times

TT: Let’s agree to disagree on that for the moment.

TT: I

TG: u

TG: you

TG: ....

TG: dirk did u pass out on me

TT: Sorry, Dave woke up. I need to go.

TT: I’ll talk to you later, Roxy.

  
TT ceased responding to memo.

 

TG: gah were is evreyone eles

TG: need to talk some sense into dork

TG: *dirk

TG: **dork right the first time

  
TG ceased responding to memo.

 

\--------------------------------------

 

Dirk spun around in his chair, studying Dave once he was facing the door, already putting together a list of bribes that would get the kid to go back to sleep. The tyke had yet to exhaust his supply of excuses on why staying in bed was a terrible idea. It was rather impressive, the complete horseshit he came up with at the whopping age of five.

“What are you doing out of bed, lil’ man?”

“Can't sleep.”

“What is it this time?”

“Somethin’ at the window.”

Dirk raised a brow, “Not under your bed?”

Dave gave him the cutest scowl he could muster, hugging his blanket tighter, keeping up a good thirty second staring contest before repeating himself, “Window.”

“You're sure.”

“Yup.”

“You know you're going to get it if you're bullshitting me.”

“Not. Somethin’ was tapping the window.”

The kid was squirming after another thirty second stare down and Dirk finally relented, picking him up without another word and heading to Dave’s room. Of course the brat was immediately working to distract him, curling up and cuddling against his chest, looking cute as fuck. Little cheater.

Dave giggled as he was dropped on his bed, bouncing a bit before quickly ducking under the covers, looking all kinds of ready to sleep once this nonsense was concluded.

“There is a distinct lack of tapping, kid.”

“Took too long. Now it's gone.”

“Assuming the noise existed to begin with.” Dirk ignored the beginning ramblings of Dave’s protests, doing another cursory look outside. There were at least three feathered fuckers hanging out, none currently in range of the window. What was it with Dave and crows?

He turned back around, leaning against the window and wondered idly how long Dave could go for without taking a breath. His entire spiel was one long, run on sentence in desperate need of punctuation.

When he finally did take a moment to breathe, face bright red and pout in place (likely due to Dirk’s supposed disbelief in the matter), Dirk took the second to move, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

“Done? Or was there a second part to your speech?”

“Did you see anything?”

“I certainly didn't see nothing.”

Dave’s face scrunched up, confusion and annoyance playing over his features, knowing Dirk was messing with him.

“Did you see what made the noise?”

“There is at least a chance I may have seen what caused the aforementioned tapping.”

This answer did not appease the jammie clad child and only caused him to do his impersonation of a scowl. “That's not an answer!”

An eyebrow went up, “That sounded like a raised voice, Dave. Are we raising our voices now?”

Dave, evidently done with these shenanigans as they were going nowhere quickly, turned over and buried his face against his pillow.

Fucking. Adorable.

“Dave, we’re having a conversation. Stop talking to your pillow.” That received no response, Dave apparently having decided to verbally abscond.

Dirk gave him another moment to reconsider his choice. The kid was only five, he probably needed a little longer to think about what the best course of action was. On the other hand, the brat was five and clearly thought staying in place was a brilliant move. He'd learn soon enough he was wrong.

Dave shrieked at the sudden tickle onslaught, giggling and thrashing and overall failing to escape. He was a breathless ball of energy when Dirk eventually stopped, eyes shining with laughter.

“You ready for bed? Or are you going to continue this round of bull-”

Dirk froze, Dave jumped, and there was another smack against the window.

He shot a glare towards the window. Were they seriously flying into the glass? What the hell was wrong with those feathery abominations?

“So. My room?”

There was a quick nod and Dave was suddenly latched onto him, arms around his neck, legs around his waist while his face ended up buried against Dirk’s shoulder.

His chest tightened, gut twisting.

This kid was going to be the death of him.

If he didn't fuck everything up first.

He really didn't want to fuck this up.


	2. Dirk: Find Dave

The Kindergarten was almost empty by the time Dirk arrived, but that was nothing new. The walls were decorated with sloppy finger paintings in primary colors, and Dirk was sure it wasn’t just familial bias that led him to the conclusion that the one signed by Dave was the best among them. 

The receptionist smiled when he approached, twirling one pigtail absently. “Hello, Mr. Strider.” She said, as if he didn’t ask her to just call him Dirk every time he was there. “Your dad actually came by to pick Dave up already.” 

What was she talking about? No one else was allowed to pick the kid up. “You know, you two look a lot alike!” She giggled. “He said something about meeting you at the park…?” 

Dirk stilled, thoughts screeching to a halt as he stared at her, mouth suddenly dry. His fingers twitched as he forced himself to inhale slowly. He would deal with the giggling airheads lack of recall later. Figuring out where the kid was took precedence. “My _dad_ has Dave. What park?” 

“Oh, hold on a moment. He gave me something to give you…” She shuffled about her desk, taking far too long for something that should have been right on top. “Here it is!” She declared, and offered up a piece of paper. The lazy scrawl on it was sickeningly familiar. There was only one word written on it, in all capitals. 

DUCKS. 

He didn't reach for the note. Even if any such desire existed, Dirk had shoved his hands into his pockets to hide their trembling. 

“I thought it was pretty cute,” the girl said, perhaps trying to fill in the awkward pause, hand still held out to offer the paper. “Like he turned it into a game!” 

Everything was a god damned game with him. Or a joke. Why had he taken Dave- no. Why had he taken him now. Was he forgetting some significance to today's date? How long ago had he taken custody of Dave? _Why the fuck had he taken him?!_

She was giving him a confused look. Oh. Breathe you idiot. He couldn't bring himself to speak though. Barely giving her a nod before he was out the door, not knowing where to go. 

Ducks. They had never gone to a park with ducks, had they? They probably had. He couldn't even remember right now which had ponds let alone what fowl resided where. 

He needed to figure out where they were. Running around was just giving that bastard more time to do God only knows what to Dave. Standing around and thinking felt unproductive though, even knowing it was a waste of energy to flit from one park to the next. At least he was eliminating possibilities with each one he went to. 

Ducks ducks ducks. He was being stupid. He needed to _think_ , but he didn't want to remember what significance fucking ducks had to that prick! 

Dirk blinked, paused mid step. Oh. He had been thinking feathers when he should have been thinking rubber. 

Dirk abruptly turned and was off again.   


\----------------------------------------------

  


Dave was next to the lake, laughing and playing with rubber duckies… not the modified ones at least, by the looks of it. Which might be a relief if there weren’t also alligators around there. Not that Bro cared. Hell, he would probably just let Dave fend for himself if one came, see it as some fucked up form of training. Speaking of the bastard, Bro was there too. He loomed over Dave, looking relaxed, like the five year old was splashing at home in a bathtub instead of a lake that might contain actual fucking alligators. Typical fucking Bro. 

Dirk had always hated that he had to think of him as ‘Bro,’ hated that it was better than the alternative because the narcissistic bastard had named Dirk after himself. ‘Bro’ just represented what he wanted out of the relationship; all the power over them and none of the responsibility. ‘Dad’ implied some degree of maturity. ‘Bro’ didn’t have the same requirement. 

Bro lifted his head, face almost unreadable, but Dirk could just feel how smug he was behind the sharp shades and poker face. “Been a while lil bro. I appreciate the extra alone time you gave me with the lil man.” He ruffled Dave’s hair, who giggled. For anyone else this would be a display of affection, but Dirk knew better, and the implications made him sick. 

He also hadn’t missed that stab at him. He knew what Bro was really saying. _‘You took too long. If anything has happened to Dave, it’s your fault. You failed.’_ Dirk pressed his hands deep into his pockets, leaned back casually. He wore his own poker face too well. He had to be good at it to deal with Bro and he hated how dirty it made him feel. Like he could never win, because even to survive he had to be more like him. Everything he did seemed to. Based on the way Bro’s lip quirked upwards into a smirk, he knew it too. Dirk swallowed, tried to think of something to say. Something clever. Something that would protect them both. But he couldn’t, all he could think was _‘How did this happen, you shouldn’t be here, you shouldn’t be able to, don’t touch him stop it get away.’_ He swallowed, trying to wet the desert in his throat. 

“You're not allowed to pick him up.” He regretted the words the moment he spoke. It wasn’t what he wanted to say at all, wasn’t strong enough by a long shot. 

Bro clicked his tongue, disapproving, and turned his attention to where Dave was splashing the rubber ducks in the pond, moving them in a row. Dirk could imagine alligators emerging any moment, taking duck and hand and Dave all at once. He tried to swallow the strangled sound that it brought up. He didn’t want to go any closer to Bro but he found himself taking a step forward anyway. Bro was talking again. 

“C’mon, lil bro. I raised you to be smarter’n that. You never really thought any of that was gonna stop me?” Bro’s voice was casual, but there was an undercurrent to it, cold and sharp as the edge of a blade. “I figured you needed some space. Let you throw your little tantrum. But I’m gettin’ a little impatient.” He stood, slow and languid like a tiger stretching up from a nap. Dirk froze at the movement, heart pounding. “An’ you’ve been neglecting your training, and his.” He nodded towards Dave. 

“Why does Dave need to? I don't have the same issues you do.” 

“I ain't the one with issues kid,” Said Bro, smirking at Dirk and with no humor in his voice. “Bad enough you neglect yourself, so you’ll always be a fuckin’ princess waiting to be rescued. But making sure the lil man is too? I guess keepin’ him weak is one good way to guarantee you’ll be stronger’n him, but it’s pathetic.” He shook his head, then casually drew the sword he always carried. Dave looked up in interest, pausing his play with the ducks. Dave, who was too young to understand how real the sword fighting was, who thought it was cool instead of dangerous. He hadn’t learned yet. Dirk had done everything he could to make sure he would never have to. “Now I guess I gotta remind you why. It’s not just yourself you gotta be ready to protect, lil bro.” 

Keep him away from Dave, _don't let him touch Dave._ The thought hadn't even fully formed before Dirk’s sword was in his hands, form relaxing into a defensive stance. 

Bro was upon him immediately, a whirlwind of slashes and stabs and feints. He didn’t draw blood but he didn’t hold back the force of his blows like he sometimes did. This was a punishment, and Bro made it clear with every hit. A punishment for defying him, for neglecting training, for trying to leave. 

Punishment, because he'd fucked up. He wasn't trying hard enough, let his guard down, thought that maybe they were okay. _How could you let him touch the only thing that matters?! How could you let him touch Dave!?_

It quickly became clear who the victor was going to be, but Bro didn’t let it end. The elder toyed with him, knowing that Dirk couldn’t stop either, couldn’t without surrendering Dave. Time became measured by the types of pain received while Dave watched. 

Finally, long after Dirk thought he couldn’t take any more of it, Bro shoved him roughly down with one knee digging harshly into his chest and pressed the blade to his neck. “You’re rusty.” 

Dirk didn't respond, arguing a waste of breath with the blade still pressed against his throat. It didn't matter. So long as the focus remained on him, if Dave was unharmed, he didn't care what Bro did. 

“Seems your manners are a bit rusty too, lil bro.” Said Bro, voice still casual.  
His fingers twitched, expression still blank, “Sorry.” 

“Not as much as you’re going to be,” Bro said, slapping a hand against Dirk’s face almost gently, just a bit of stinging away from a pat. He stood up then, releasing Dirk and allowing him to fill his lungs completely again, before strutting over to Dave, sword held casually. “Ready to go home lil man?” 

“Is it my turn?” Dave asked, staring up at Bro. 

Oh fuck no. 

Bro ruffled Dave’s hair and picked him up as if he weighed nothing. “After we get home lil man.” He strode back to Dirk, pushing at his ribs with a foot a little too hard to be called a tap. “Ready to go princess?” 

“Dirk?” Dave asked, and there was worry now in his voice, a quiver like he was starting to realize Dirk wasn’t playing a game. 

Shit fuck. He still hadn't managed to get up. Now would be good. Dirk grit his teeth before getting to his feet, breath coming out in a soft hiss. “I'm good, Dave.” 

Dave’s mouth pressed downward in a frown, and he tried to leap down from Bro to Dirk’s side, but Bro caught and held him. 

“Dirk?” Bro asked. “You shouldn’t address your bro like that lil man. Call him Bro.” 

Dave fidgeted. “...but… Dirk doesn’t like that…”  
“Not like you're using it, and you're using Bro. How is anyone supposed to know who he's talking to.” 

“Easy, I’m Big Bro. He knows that.” Bro responded. 

“Gets a little ridiculous. I'm calling you Bro, and he's using something else? You're over complicating things for no reason.” 

“That’s hurtful, lil bro. Do you not want to be a part of this family? Do you not want him to be your brother?” Bro asked. Dirk could tell the words were more aimed at Dave than him. Judging by the way Dave bit his lip, they were hitting their mark. 

“I'm not his ‘bro’. I'm his guardian. You seem to be forgetting that.” 

“Not much of a guardian,” Bro replied. “If you can’t even protect him.” 

He was not going to dignify that with a response. Getting pissed off wasn't going to help anyone. “I'm surprised you know the definition of the word.” Fuck. He couldn't just keep his mouth shut. 

“See, now you’re givin’ me mixed signals. You want me to shelter you like a lil princess or teach you to be strong enough to protect someone else?” Bro asked. “Ya can’t have it both ways.” 

“I can't help it if you make assumptions. You're free to think whatever you like, regardless of its accuracy.” 

Bro started walking again, still holding onto Dave. “Say what you want, but we both know you already failed. Because you’re weak. An’ you’re gonna keep failing ‘til you get strong.” 

Dirk followed out of necessity, eyes on Dave, watching him squirm and try to wiggle free of the hold on him. He wasn't one to be carried for long, too much energy to burn that left him fidgety when left unused. Or it was close to his naptime. 

Bro knew about this as well and let Dave go… but this too was its own challenge. It screamed _‘there is nothing you can really do to get him away from me, and you know it.’_ He kept walking. Dave, freed, darted to Dirk. 

“You okay D-” He stopped, looked between Bro and Dirk and looked uncertain how to finish. 

“I'm good, kid. Didn't I already say that?” And there was that frown again, telling him he was full of it and they both knew it. When exactly had Dave learned to read him? He'd been too open when he knew better than that, knew what would happen if he left his emotions out on- STOP IT. 

Dirk swallowed, focusing on Dave again. “You don't need to worry, Dave. Okay?” Or call his bluff, since there he went trying to scowl or pout or whatever the hell that was. 

Bro grinned. “That’s goddamned adorable. You wanna take care of your bro, lil man?” 

A chill went down his spine, and he wanted to shift his attention to Bro, as if that would give him an idea as to how that statement should be taken. He kept his eyes firmly on Dave though and realized there was a problem. The kid didn't know what to say, didn't know what was safe. The look had started the same as always, that thoughtful little biting at his lip while deciding what would get him a cookie and what would get him tickled. 

This was no longer adorable indecision. He'd realized he couldn't say the first thing that popped into his head. Dave hadn't decided what to say and he looked caught on the verge of panic or crying the longer he stayed quiet. 

Dirk had dropped to his knees and hugged him without thinking it through, because to do anything else would only confuse the kid more, and Dave was the only thing that mattered. Relief washed over him when he felt Dave press into him, arms like a vice around his neck. 

There was a sound of a camera. “You guys really are too cute. Now hurry up, let’s get back. The lil man still needs some training today.” 

Dirk pushed aside the sick feeling curling in his gut, tightening his hold on Dave as he stood. He couldn't leave yet, not without giving up the bundle curled against him. His breath escaped as a hiss, teeth clenched as he fought down the urge to run, forcing himself to take a step towards Bro. 

Bro led them back, and not to the old house, either. He led them right to the apartment Dirk had been renting for the two of them as if he owned it. He even held the door open for them. Putting his back to Bro under any circumstances didn't sit well with him, and letting his discomfort show was even less of an option. He didn't pause until it was a choice of which bedroom to enter, quickly deciding that his would illicit a response he didn't want to entertain. Dave’s room it was, the tyke already snoozing on his shoulder. He had him tucked into bed without jostling the younger too much, moving to slip out of the room. 

“Tired already?” Bro asked. Dirk hadn’t heard him but the voice came from so close his breath brushed the hairs on the back of Dirk’s neck. “Well, he can have a nap. But he’s still got lot’s to make up for.” 

Dirk held himself perfectly still, wondering if there was a chance of getting past Bro without touching him. He was too damn close. “He’ll be up in an hour or two.” 

“Good. You guys have a lot to do.” Bro said. 

Dirk said nothing. He waited, staring at Dave, hearing and feeling nothing. How long was Bro planning on standing there? And what was he going to do now? He thought he had protected Dave. He had done everything right. It had been official… 

But that was the problem. Bro wasn’t afraid of it being official. He had probably altered, maybe stolen the records themselves. He wasn’t afraid of the police. Dirk wasn’t sure Bro had ever been afraid of anything. 

This whole time, Bro was just letting him think he was safe. 

He swallowed, finally daring to turn and face him. 

But Bro wasn’t there. Dirk hadn’t felt so much as a whisper of movement, or heard a sound. It wasn’t until he took a tentative step forward that he heard the Xbox turn on very suddenly. Without even thinking, Dirk closed Dave’s door, not wanting him to wake up, and went to his own room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am definitely not going to be updating this regularly, but I'll continue to post as inspiration strikes. Or find an actual plot and not just the family-esque drama I have in mind.


End file.
